Self Pampering

A five year old kid is standing in front of you. Besides the kid lies a red ball in the grass. The kid is asking you to play along. You look at the kid and remember the time you were of that kid’s age. And then you realise you are lost in the memories of your childhood.

You were once a very small creature. When one healthy motile sperm from your father’s semen managed to fertilize the egg in your mother’s body, a zygote was formed. Then it led to the development of embryo. A few months later you were a foetus. You got nutrients and care and finally after nine long months of growth inside your mother’s womb, you came out in this world.

Life was amazing when you were an infant. Everybody offered you compliments and touched your cheeks. You were fed at regular interval and sometimes overfed too. That was when your mother wondered why you puked. You parents took care to protect you from illnesses and infections. You began to grow and your childhood years began to surface.

Going to school. Playing in parks. Sharing your tiffin. Making new friends. Life was so simple. You enjoyed every moment of your life and live carefree. Every morning you woke up with joy and excitement. It didn’t matter if school was bad; you went there to meet your sweet friends.

Now everything has changed. Those childhood years have gone forever. Nobody spends time with you as much as you want. There are people you call friends but you seldom meet. Work has replaced play and family is far away from your life. Every day you wake up with an urge to sleep a little more. The position of authority that was once occupied by teachers, it is now occupied by your boss. You seem to revolve around making a living. And you are dying in that process of making a living.

You no longer talk to yourself. You haven’t had a hearty laugh for months. The only time you feel happy when you think you have found the love of your life. But that pleasure is short lived and you end up feeling more alone. More aloof. Nobody is there to hear your inner cries and you live your life feeling bored and sad.

You think of taking up more responsibilities but that will only kill your already dying sense of self. Every day you soul bleeds. And nobody is there to caress your wounds.

There was a time when you were free. Free to experiment. Free to try. Free to fail. You cared not about results and appreciation but about laughter and fun. You lived for your own happiness. Gone are those days when you loved to get wet in rain. When you plucked flowers and made garlands. You want to relive those moments you cherish to this day. But you know that is not happening.

That child is standing in front of you. You are facing the ball and thinking of picking it up. The choice is yours. You can save yourself. I decide to pick up the ball and play with the child. I decide to play with myself.