I don’t know how to begin.
Beginnings, yes. Of school life, bicycle- falls, impromptu ice cream outings and bargaining stints. Of small talks on routine, lectures on career options (mind you, not engineering), attachments yet distances and unspoken codes of emoting following fashion rules of “less is more”.
It feels strange when I sit back only to find that hugging you, is actually a memory. A memory tracing back to my kindergarten years. Strange so, to think that we abided by our unspoken code too. And why.
To think of it, you were the one who adopted a dog and made me befriend it. Taught me how to care of it and love it. Taught me the need to look beyond myself and knowing what can make me happy. Dogs certainly do. Though, I still remember the time when I envied the dog every time he managed to attract your attention by jumping, cuddling and fawning.
Over the years, as I grew up, so did my shyness. Earlier what used to be more of you speaking and me listening became a conversation between two people. Two people who agreed and disagreed on a lot of issues. Mostly disagreements when the rebel bug bites you.
But as time passed, when the meetings became time bound, I met a different side of you. The side which converted the disagreements into friendly banters. When you called me up one day to tell me what went in your professional life which you had always kept hidden and safe from me, I sensed something different.
Maybe the ‘take care’ was the ‘I love you’ I always wanted. Or maybe a hushed ‘I love you’ towards the end of a phone call dissolved our unspoken code of emoting less.
But when you turned to me for advice and solace, I knew what wholesome was.Maybe, I’ll never tell you that I love you. And never hug you too. The dog does it better, anyway.
I realize that this eventful growth of our bond symbolizing the magnitude of what we share is the reason I’ll not miss hugs anymore.
This Father’s Day, this letter is just to make you aware how much I cherish talking to you.